the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
