There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
