this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
