I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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