Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize