I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
