This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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