my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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