My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Im part way to drunk.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
