Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
