she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
