he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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