That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
