All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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