i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
