dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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