Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
