We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
