you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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