The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
