nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize