Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
