Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
