also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
