dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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