I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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