so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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