just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
