we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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