You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
