I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
