Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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