Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
