you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
