Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I am one with the molecules
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
