He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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