How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
