im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
