Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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