I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
