The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Girls should come with a carfax report
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
