i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
