Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
