The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
