I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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