I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
