Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Blood and glitter go together right?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Oh god it's open bar.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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