I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
