so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
