I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
