The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
