I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
