i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm too high and old for this...
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