i think my tv is drunk
thus making me awesome and them whores
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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