ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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