We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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