Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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