is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
