So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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