I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Found the puke drawer
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
