Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
