I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
