i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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