why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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