Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
