I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
