I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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