the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
