The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
