her facebook's as public as her vagina
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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