really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
