i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
