I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
