I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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