Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
