you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize