I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She is in my trunk
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize