We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
