I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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