Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize