After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
