Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
