the condom got lost in my hair
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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