I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
