I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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