you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
