At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
