Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
